My dorkiness. Okay so this past week or two, mostly today, I have been coming to grips with the fact that I am really awkward and have an air of oddness. So I guess I am learning to harness those things for the better because I can't seem to get past my awkwardness. Let me explain. I feel awkward around certain people then I ramble or the things I want to say don't come. Sometimes I just vocalize something that I didn't mean to be awkward but it was. I don't know if it is just a freshman thing or something. I guess I have been nervous about it and tried to cover it but then I just get more awkward because I am nervous. So I guess I am learning to accept that and through it aside as just a part of my personality and not let it stop me. So, harnessing awkwardness is what I am calling it.
The mentality of adults. Last week, I definately got very angry at teachers and people in the older generation. Even at the mentality of upperclassman. I have always struggled with the fact that people seem to have an idea of superioty over children or teenagers. I don't know why they think this because i think it is more a immature philosophy. I think a childlikeness truly is wise to have. So, I got mad because of expectations of adults to teenagers. They expect you to pursue a usefulness in society but it seems like they don't expect a greatness that is out of the ordinary. So I thought, when they don't have great expectations for us it makes us think we don't have said great expectations. Like, last week there was a huge mess in the Freshman hallway and they asked for volunteers to clean it up and they put up signs. I got mad because I thought, well they just assumed we wouldn't blah blah blah. i guess they do have good reason and I was just having a thought of, "Stay out of my business! but I did think about it and I have known this forever but it always has to be rethought in patience. We honestly have to give them the incintive to turn their mentality around. That is in short. There were other things I was thinking.
College. Ugh. My brother is leaving and, oh go figure, the seniors at OCS are leaving. I thought back how I had wanted to get to know alot of them but I never really did to the way I wanted to. There are some really amazing people that I wish I had discussed with more, found more about, and just hung out with more. I was hoping to really have a person I could be open with and could be my accountability person because I have been that alot to several friends. I did find that I guess but it was different than I thought. Some people I love to death and know a little better are leaving. Some not to far but it is still weird. I guess I just thought about looking back on time and not wasting it. Not wasting or waiting on a thought. Not waiting for the thought to do something. I am another year older and I am not as young as I had wanted to be when I made a crazy change to the world. So don't waste time. And set out proactively. That's so simple, but it even applies to people.
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